Public vs. Private

It is hard for people to admit their admiration for those around them; whereas I am almost considering if it should be added to my evolving “Weakness” list. I admire lots of people for many different reasons. Some that show me their powerful strength in large gestures, or silently show the most glorious aspects of themselves.

Backstory: As a youth*, I was a math tutor at an alternative high school that brought in a full spectrum of people and situations. One of my students, Ri, grew before me – and beyond me, as she raised one child and grew another blessing in her tummy. She was a conqueror and moved mountains finishing her degree, working, mothering, and being a teenager.

She wowed me even then, and today she struggles with her own health while also killing it as raising 3 beautiful mini-Ri’s. She is radiant, powerful, honest, and reassuring other mothers in similar homes and lives.

Really very recently, I finally shared with Ri my admiration of her and her words and how she helps others by being herself.

Ri by no means thought her words could be transcribed into a blog and ever-evolving as her family grew older and her world carried on.

I was sad for a day honestly. I completely equate it to feeling like a dream dying before me. I know she will do incredible things and a blog has no reason to be a part of it.

I was also very embarrassed by sharing with her such intimate thoughts I had about what I believed she could do. I felt like I had invaded her privacy or overstepped a boundary after little communication over the years.

The truth is, being vulnerable by admiring someone does not make me weak or embarrassing for doing so. I made a person’s day and reassured her in her actions – which more people, especially mothers, need to hear. I admit I was being rash by calling it a weakness when some have to use true bravery to do so. I needed to evaluate why I chose to congratulate my student on using platforms for good and now I know what I need to do spiritually to thrive. This is why I choose to share my thoughts, ideas, and heart-ships publicly so that not everyone feels alone in their own battles. This is the best way I can think to help others in this phase of life- I’ll be sure to keep you updated on this endeavor…

Find your purpose and HOPE it helps others.

#1 on the “Ready for the Day” Spotify playlist on REPEAT pls.

Disclosure: I by no means believe I help others, I believe I do my best and HOPE it is best.

*Considering using this as a period description word with no reflection on my actual age, but my actions at that time. Being in college on the West Coast leads to shenanigans and crazy, awkward growth.

Sidenote: Post two, I can calm it down already, but I do feel like I lost some weight and said, “Farewell” to Eeyore by having this additional outlet to reveal all. HOPEfully this will also have a positive effect on my relationships.

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