No this is not a post dedicated to Penn Badgley in “YOU” on Netflix, this is a true testament to what it means to truly love a person mind, body, and soul.
My relationship is sturdy and the biggest conflict we see is in the outpour of my own mental anguish onto him.
I know him, faults and all. I disagree with him and dislike him greatly some days. Fortunately, those moments are few and happen like a blink in a timeline. All the greatness I see in this man reminds me I do need to work hard, it reminds me how lucky I am to know him, and reminds me of the absolute pureness there can be in this world.
We laugh HARD together. Laughs I’ve only heard bellow out of him in my presence. We smoosh our cheeks together through heart-ship, taking turns whispering that things will be okay into one another’s ear. Looking up to the sky at dinner and praising whatever goodness he believes in today, and knowing that my God is good to me every day.
God gave me him with a bow and said “good luck”.
It makes me feel like the weakest link when his struggle of the day is what mood he will embrace once he gets home. I am not a rollercoaster but I feel things in waves like tsunamis to the dome. It could be Joey singing “On My Own” by Les Mis to Dawson during her beauty pageant that sends me off the edge, or it could be the failure I had in the classroom weighing me down.
I do not like these bits about me. They make me feel discontent as I continuously wonder if I will ever be able to keep it together, and I feel even worse for T as he tries and tries to make me “happy”.
It is not his job, nor should it ever befall on him. My darkness is my own, I just wish that it did not ware on my partner.
That is why I truly HOPE that by having this outlet I can get it out in a healthy way where it is not only heard by my person.
At the end of the day, I have this beautiful soul that praises all of the light that shines from me and helps me see the rainbow after a cloudy, cloudy day. Always praying others find a love like mine.
I HOPE you see how many people that love you & ask for help when you need it.
It’s okay I promise.